Potential

Its amazing what can happen in the short time that has passed since my last post. I was feeling very run down and getting to a point where i was allowing things to bury me. I had a massive event that I am still trying to get over. Its amazing what people can say to you even though they claim love. For years i have had armor skin to verbal assaults and now i let things get to me? It seems that i let my guard down to let someone in and they take things they learn and hurt me. Which leads me to this in a round about way:

What is my potential? Potential is said to be a 4 letter word to some. People have been crushed under the pressure that comes with potential. Sometimes i look back at my life and think about how that word has applied. I once saw a scouting report from a team that stated I was a hard worker, not afraid to grind, good shot, has potential. Funny thing was i rarely played because who knows, maybe i had a bad attitude, maybe the coach didnt like me. I dont blame them but it seems in that sport i didnt live up to my potential.

As i look back at the application of the word, i can see things two ways, alot of failure or a lot of mild success leading to a greater cause. I choose the second.

THis past week i was with a group of my peers at a convention. When i left, i wasnt in a good mood, i didnt want to go, didnt want to leave my store. I had to tell an employee he couldnt come due to a variety of reasons and I hate being that guy. And then i get to this event. I spend the first night in my room, wallowing in my own pity. I mean honestly, what do i have to feel bad about when there are other people actually suffering?

Anywho, so i am in this convention with my fellow owners and if i could capture the energy and good vibes i would be a millionaire. Everyone roots for everyone, we all share our opportunities and tactics. I was so freaking fired up after two days that i could barely sit still. The great thing was the commraderie that is involved. All the older franchisees liked to give me crap and treat me like the little brother but it was also good to here they think i have potential to do well. That word again.....the expectations......yet, i relished it.

I have made some great friends from that convention and i am rejuvinated by the possibilities that tomorrow holds. But i wont forget today. There are some heavier issues that need to be handled but it is great to have a clear mind and focus for the first time in awhile. Potential couldnt be more of an exciting word for me because I believe in what is ahead and cant wait to reach and exceed!

Expectations

Expectations. That is a word that has many meanings. Its a world that comes with its own set of expectations. Expectations upon expectations. It can be a completely scary thing, it can crush you under its weight or it can drown you in its deep waters. It can also make you rise to the occasion, reach them, exceed them, or destroy them. Expectations are a double edge sword though. Here is a story i have shared a few times but it is the best way i can explain these feelings.

When i was 16 years old, i was a hockey player. I loved it, it had been my first love. My father bought me a cigar and said that when I get drafted, we will smoke it. Reality was, though i had the passion for it, i wasn't quite good enough to be drafted. So the cigar sat. We said when you get into college Ill smoke it. That time came and I didn't deem it worthy of the smoke. Then when i scored my first touchdown in college we would light it. That wasn't good enough. Then college graduation. Nope. Then when i got engaged, nope. Then when i opened my first business with him. Still not good enough. To this point my expectations, though high, were being accomplished but the cigar sat.

I am with a number of very successful people from the Max Muscle franchise system last night sitting at dinner talking and I tell this story. The first thing i hear from everyone is a resounding "smoke it as soon as you can". I am appalled off the bat because i felt i needed an epic moment to smoke this. I mean EPIC, i dont know what that includes, maybe curing cancer or creating world peace would suffice. Then as we continue the talk i realize what that cigar represents. It represents all my fear, all my lack of confidence, everything I am scared of resides in that cigar. It is the epitome of my faults. That cigar i was "using" as my motivation was and has always been a hindrance to who i could become.

Yes, it is just a symbol but the moral of the story is you cant be the best you if you have your fear and reservations holding you back from reaching your potential. I know, as I sit in my hotel room, I am looking forward to starting my life over when i get home and smoking that cigar. Don't let the expectations fold us. We can overcome all obstacles put in front of us. One of my favorite sayings is "God wouldn't put anything on our plate we can't handle. We let ourselves crumble under it when we have the capability of lifting it up off of us." I know i can be the best me and i am the only one who can hold me back.

Choice

As I had stated i wanted to write once a week. I dont know if thats enough time to truly formulate what i want to write. My goal s to share myself in my writing and I like to think im deeper than a weeks worth of thoughts. Some weeks i get wrapped up in work and I forget. What i am realizing is I am just making excuses. Just like my clients tend to when they dont follow the plan we set forth for them. I am no better in this case. I broke my word to a friend and its time to settle up and write.

Time continues to pass and I am left with so many half and quarter thoughts that are never finished or even started. What i am realizing is that while before, i didnt think my decisions in life truly affected anyone but me, now i see that there is a ripple effect that can be felt by many. Now, this doesn't mean i think i am all that important but i do understand that every decision has an equal and sometimes rash reaction as well.

There are some serious decisions coming up in my life that i know could affect some of the most personal relationships I have in my life. I am not struggling with the fact that they are difficult; no, i am struggling with making everyone happy in the situation. One thing I have figured out about myself is that my happiness is tied directly to how i make people feel.

Life seemed so much easier when there are no attachments. I went through a period of life when it was just myself and my dog. Us against the world or so I thought. Interesting thing was i was oblivious to the relationships that helped me survive. From my father helping me with rent to my daily calls to my mother to visits from college friends, i relied on them when i thought i was alone. Everyone goes through these times i know and i dont have a but to put in there. I am no different.

Now, the positive influences in my life have been many. I didnt start realizing the positive till i was about 6 months away from leaving Sacramento. I had just broken off my engagement, quit my job and was in a low place. But, one person turned me on to the power of the positive thought. Imagine that, ever the pessimist was a positive thinker now.

yet, there are some situations where i feel there may be no winner. There may not be a loser but no one wins. What do you do when you have a choice and that choice could break so many connections you have? If you go one way, many people disappear from your life, if you go another you lose people too. How do you rationalize that one decision.

This may be hypothetical or it may not be but what would you do?

Walls

For the past 6 months, i have been observing more, opening my eyes to the things around me as I continue on my journey of life. I realize my path and that is to be a guide for others along their journey. As rewarding to me as that is I have selfish moments. "Why do people turn to me?" "What did I do to have people need things from me?" 'Why don't i need things from other people?" These questions are real. They creep into my mind on a whim and they like to linger. They set up shop in my brain and feed on my weaknesses, and it has plenty to feed on as I do have many.

I realize that i have positioned myself or been positioned because I have alot to give. That may not be knowledge, or assets but I have been blessed with much in my life so in turn, I feel the need to adapt to situations and give what is needed. 99% of the time, people need an ear and a shoulder for which i have two of each. I realize this sounds like i am complaining but i am not. What i am doing is coming to a realization that I don't live my life looking for the next thing to help myself but I live my life with compassion and love for everyone and I am willing to give my only moments that i have to others because that is what makes my life complete.

I am a personal trainer and a nutrition coach, both certified. I didn't get into this business to make money off others but to help people feel better inside and out. Yes, its a service with a fee but the majority of it is about making progress. Progress isn;t about taking steps back; its about taking steps, baby steps, crawling, forward, no matter how much forces you back. I have been through enough in my 29 years to understand what difficulty is, what hard times are, what hurt is. I feel i am not ever going to be done learning but along my path i can assist others in getting through the issues that confront them. Help give them the strength to push through the wind in their faces, the walls in front of them.

My walls are many and i am constantly trying to find a way to conquer them. Some need me to find a diplomatic way over, or around them but some need me to go right through the middle of that wall. That is what people find difficult but you dont do these things because you just want to or just have to, you do them because nothing should stand in the way of you and your happiness. Whatever the goal is, whatever your desires, they truly can be yours if you are willing to put in the work. Not just sweat and tears but the behind the scenes work.

I believe i am lucky. I was born and developed a mindset that puts blinders on me when i have a goal in front of me. Someone very close to me says i am single minded. Like a shark, that when i want something nothing else is good enough. Then when i get what i want there is no celebration, no party. The next goal is set and the journey continues. I was asked recently if anything will ever be good enough for me. My answer is why would i want good enough when i am reaching for better than that. No, no goal will ever be good enough because the journey of life, my journey of learning, will always be going forward. Settling isnt an option because then you leave the should a would a thoughts out there. Who wants to second guess themselves? Not me. I guess that is my ultimate wall. Getting to a point where what i have accomplished is good enough. I think i have a story that will explain that:

When i was a kid, my father bought me a cigar to smoke when I was drafted into the NHL. I think i was 15 at the time. Needless to say, i quit hockey after high school and went to college for football. Then we said we would smoke it after my first touchdown. That happened freshman year and it just didnt seem like it was good enough. Then it was when i graduated. Still not good enough. Then it was my first job in sports, my first promotion, when i got engaged, when i got unengaged, when i moved back home to open my own business, when we had our first event, when we had our best month, etc. That cigar still sits in a humidor in my apartment here.

No, nothing will ever be good enough because its not about being good. I want to be great. I want to help people be great. If i get married, i will want children, then i will want more children, then grand children, then who knows, maybe a pet alien. I dont know but i wont be the guy to sit on my couch one day and say "i made it" because made what? What i want people to learn is that life isnt about materials, or accomplishments but the fire inside to be better. Be the best you, whatever that is. Inspire people to be better, love life but dont settle for something because its there.

This may be all over the place but as I blog more i will get better, it has been 4 months since my last blog and it will be a weekly thing now. see you next week.

Humility

Life is funny this way. Just when you feel you are doing well enough or excelling something in another area tends to drop off or go wrong. Now, i like to think I am a humble person for the most part. I dont look at myself and think, "Damn, what a guy." or anything like that.

I actually put alot of pressure on myself to always be better. To always go beyond a goal to whats past it. THis tends to affect my life in a couple ways. First, i am never satisfied or content. Case in point, Story Number 1.

When I was young, i played hockey. I was pretty ok at it and my dad was one of my bigest fans. He bought this real fancy cigar for me and said this is what we will smoke when you get drafted.......Well, needless to say i never got drafted but we made another deal. That would be the cigar we smoke when I graduated prep school. The time came and I felt it wasnt a good enough occasion. So, i made a deal that when I graduated college id smoke that cigar........The time came and like the previous time I didnt think it was momentus enough. This went on for the next 8 years. When i get my first job. When i get my first promotion. When I beat all sales for the team i worked for. When I opened my nutrition store. When we had our first great day. When we broke our own sales record. When we made it over a year in this economy........Nothing was good enough. That cigar still sits in my humador, ive smoked many cigars in the last 17 years but never that one.

This mentality has affected relationships as well. Never in a truly good way. I never project my ways on anyone yet my personality and mindset is so strong it tends to be hard on some people ive dated. Ive been told im selfish, i am too driven, too singleminded, i work too hard. Ive never thought working too hard and being committed to something was bad until recently.

Yet another thing to keep me humble are in fact those women. I have many women in my life who i would charactorize as inspirational. Others tend to attempt to play games, and others are more just not happy with themselves which leads to bad vibes. Currently i am in fact not "with" anyone. Yet there are humbling experiences that have led me to expel someone from my life, another that makes me constantly think about if I am good enough, and another who can evoke so much anger and so much happiness all at once. It is amazing to me.

Keeping my mind straight use to be an issue but one thing i have worked to focus on is the positive aspects of life. I love my job, I have a support system of people in place whom i love and care about, and recently have learned to just allow the things that matter affect me and nothing else. Its a matter of choice. I choose to smile and be happy. I choose to keep or remove people from my life. Life is way too short to waste on people who are jealous, who hate for no reason, who dont like how you look, act, etc. Use your positive influence to build your circle then you have all you need.

Life as I know it

When taking a look at life, most people feel that their life is harder, their life has more drama, their life has more walls to climb than others. Now, i dont think i go through anything different from anyone else but this has been an interesting week to say the least.

Monday - Someone close to me got mad at me over something online. It turned into a no talking contest for the remainder of the week. I felt I handled the situation as best as I could. Clearly the goal here was to learn a lesson about relationship and friendship management.

Tuesday - Did i mention facebook is the devil.

Wednesday - I had been going back and forth on travel arrangements for a trip i had been planning. Well, one backed out then another treated me fairly poorly so i had canceled my trip.

Thursday - Said f it, im going anyway and rented a car. My buddy got a room and we are heading out in a week. Push through!

Friday - Found out that i was played for a fool by someone in my life for 6 months. Devistating really. Went through the full range of emotions.....sick, then angry, then dejected, then....well who knows where i am at the moment.

All this and honestly and deeply know that there is meaning and positive thoughts to this week. Looking back it teaches me alot. The value of friendship. Honestly, morals, ethics, when to have witty banter and when not to. When to trust someone and when not to. The point being that despite the darkness that may pass over us the sun is out there all the time. The dark is just a small period that is asking us to give in to it but the positive will always triumph if you choose it to.

I was speaking to the perosn who :showed me the light" the other day and she said she could feel my dark.......i use to think, no way but i beleive her. She reached out to me and gave me some words that i always live by but need reminding sometimes. I called her my Yoda. Its rare to find people in this world that put themselves behind everyone else but she always has. The moral, the goal in life is to be that person, give unconditional hope and love to people and have them pass it on. She gave it and still gives it to me no matter how much crap we have been through and I hope to pass it to people in a manner that they can do the same for others. Think with the light in mind.

Balance

I'd like to say that I have figured this whole life thing out. I try not to complain much, i stick to my own business, i try not to let outside stimuli affect my daily mood. There are so many things in life that have no explanation though. Like why does my body hate carbs because I truly love them!

Outside of that, i have never been able to find a true balance in life. When business is good, personal relationships are not.....when relationships are good, business tends to suffer. The key is balance but how when business takes 65 - 75 and relationships take 55 - 75 percent, how do you balance that. I dont know about you all but my day lasts 24h and those numbers tend not to add up.

Owning two businesses, personal training and Max Muscle, takes time to build and grow. Most of you who have done your own thing know and those of you that havent Im sure care very much about what you do and make sure you get done what needs done. So, this takes time. Friends, girlfriends, etc take time as well. Building a friendship is the basis for everything. How do you build that in the time you have. I dont talk much in my sleep so that is out.......oh, and I almost forgot you have to spend time on yourself as well.

The last part is the hardest part.........I have never been able to balance out me time with anything. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Most the time I blame my need to be perfect, to fix everything or everyone else.

This use to drive me nuts but i have come to grips with it. I have those mechanisms in place that keep me good. One is my nutrition. That is my balance. I know, you all think i am crazy but its true. Think about it this way. When life isnt going as you had planned for an hour, a day, a week, a year.........you have things you can control. I control what goes in my mouth. I dont look at food as anything but nourishment except for my mom's lasagna, that is more heaven than food, lol. But i fuel my body for my day. Being awake for 19, 20 hours is no fun if you have no energy.

Also, my workouts are important to me. They are my stress relief, the way i set my day up to be full of life and energy. That in turn makes me want to eat better to keep my high from the workout. This is imperative because you can have workout crash. Find the balance in your eating then in your life. I have the nutrition down and im working on the rest. Constantly learning to balance life.......