Walls

For the past 6 months, i have been observing more, opening my eyes to the things around me as I continue on my journey of life. I realize my path and that is to be a guide for others along their journey. As rewarding to me as that is I have selfish moments. "Why do people turn to me?" "What did I do to have people need things from me?" 'Why don't i need things from other people?" These questions are real. They creep into my mind on a whim and they like to linger. They set up shop in my brain and feed on my weaknesses, and it has plenty to feed on as I do have many.

I realize that i have positioned myself or been positioned because I have alot to give. That may not be knowledge, or assets but I have been blessed with much in my life so in turn, I feel the need to adapt to situations and give what is needed. 99% of the time, people need an ear and a shoulder for which i have two of each. I realize this sounds like i am complaining but i am not. What i am doing is coming to a realization that I don't live my life looking for the next thing to help myself but I live my life with compassion and love for everyone and I am willing to give my only moments that i have to others because that is what makes my life complete.

I am a personal trainer and a nutrition coach, both certified. I didn't get into this business to make money off others but to help people feel better inside and out. Yes, its a service with a fee but the majority of it is about making progress. Progress isn;t about taking steps back; its about taking steps, baby steps, crawling, forward, no matter how much forces you back. I have been through enough in my 29 years to understand what difficulty is, what hard times are, what hurt is. I feel i am not ever going to be done learning but along my path i can assist others in getting through the issues that confront them. Help give them the strength to push through the wind in their faces, the walls in front of them.

My walls are many and i am constantly trying to find a way to conquer them. Some need me to find a diplomatic way over, or around them but some need me to go right through the middle of that wall. That is what people find difficult but you dont do these things because you just want to or just have to, you do them because nothing should stand in the way of you and your happiness. Whatever the goal is, whatever your desires, they truly can be yours if you are willing to put in the work. Not just sweat and tears but the behind the scenes work.

I believe i am lucky. I was born and developed a mindset that puts blinders on me when i have a goal in front of me. Someone very close to me says i am single minded. Like a shark, that when i want something nothing else is good enough. Then when i get what i want there is no celebration, no party. The next goal is set and the journey continues. I was asked recently if anything will ever be good enough for me. My answer is why would i want good enough when i am reaching for better than that. No, no goal will ever be good enough because the journey of life, my journey of learning, will always be going forward. Settling isnt an option because then you leave the should a would a thoughts out there. Who wants to second guess themselves? Not me. I guess that is my ultimate wall. Getting to a point where what i have accomplished is good enough. I think i have a story that will explain that:

When i was a kid, my father bought me a cigar to smoke when I was drafted into the NHL. I think i was 15 at the time. Needless to say, i quit hockey after high school and went to college for football. Then we said we would smoke it after my first touchdown. That happened freshman year and it just didnt seem like it was good enough. Then it was when i graduated. Still not good enough. Then it was my first job in sports, my first promotion, when i got engaged, when i got unengaged, when i moved back home to open my own business, when we had our first event, when we had our best month, etc. That cigar still sits in a humidor in my apartment here.

No, nothing will ever be good enough because its not about being good. I want to be great. I want to help people be great. If i get married, i will want children, then i will want more children, then grand children, then who knows, maybe a pet alien. I dont know but i wont be the guy to sit on my couch one day and say "i made it" because made what? What i want people to learn is that life isnt about materials, or accomplishments but the fire inside to be better. Be the best you, whatever that is. Inspire people to be better, love life but dont settle for something because its there.

This may be all over the place but as I blog more i will get better, it has been 4 months since my last blog and it will be a weekly thing now. see you next week.