Choice

As I had stated i wanted to write once a week. I dont know if thats enough time to truly formulate what i want to write. My goal s to share myself in my writing and I like to think im deeper than a weeks worth of thoughts. Some weeks i get wrapped up in work and I forget. What i am realizing is I am just making excuses. Just like my clients tend to when they dont follow the plan we set forth for them. I am no better in this case. I broke my word to a friend and its time to settle up and write.

Time continues to pass and I am left with so many half and quarter thoughts that are never finished or even started. What i am realizing is that while before, i didnt think my decisions in life truly affected anyone but me, now i see that there is a ripple effect that can be felt by many. Now, this doesn't mean i think i am all that important but i do understand that every decision has an equal and sometimes rash reaction as well.

There are some serious decisions coming up in my life that i know could affect some of the most personal relationships I have in my life. I am not struggling with the fact that they are difficult; no, i am struggling with making everyone happy in the situation. One thing I have figured out about myself is that my happiness is tied directly to how i make people feel.

Life seemed so much easier when there are no attachments. I went through a period of life when it was just myself and my dog. Us against the world or so I thought. Interesting thing was i was oblivious to the relationships that helped me survive. From my father helping me with rent to my daily calls to my mother to visits from college friends, i relied on them when i thought i was alone. Everyone goes through these times i know and i dont have a but to put in there. I am no different.

Now, the positive influences in my life have been many. I didnt start realizing the positive till i was about 6 months away from leaving Sacramento. I had just broken off my engagement, quit my job and was in a low place. But, one person turned me on to the power of the positive thought. Imagine that, ever the pessimist was a positive thinker now.

yet, there are some situations where i feel there may be no winner. There may not be a loser but no one wins. What do you do when you have a choice and that choice could break so many connections you have? If you go one way, many people disappear from your life, if you go another you lose people too. How do you rationalize that one decision.

This may be hypothetical or it may not be but what would you do?