Humility

Life is funny this way. Just when you feel you are doing well enough or excelling something in another area tends to drop off or go wrong. Now, i like to think I am a humble person for the most part. I dont look at myself and think, "Damn, what a guy." or anything like that.

I actually put alot of pressure on myself to always be better. To always go beyond a goal to whats past it. THis tends to affect my life in a couple ways. First, i am never satisfied or content. Case in point, Story Number 1.

When I was young, i played hockey. I was pretty ok at it and my dad was one of my bigest fans. He bought this real fancy cigar for me and said this is what we will smoke when you get drafted.......Well, needless to say i never got drafted but we made another deal. That would be the cigar we smoke when I graduated prep school. The time came and I felt it wasnt a good enough occasion. So, i made a deal that when I graduated college id smoke that cigar........The time came and like the previous time I didnt think it was momentus enough. This went on for the next 8 years. When i get my first job. When i get my first promotion. When I beat all sales for the team i worked for. When I opened my nutrition store. When we had our first great day. When we broke our own sales record. When we made it over a year in this economy........Nothing was good enough. That cigar still sits in my humador, ive smoked many cigars in the last 17 years but never that one.

This mentality has affected relationships as well. Never in a truly good way. I never project my ways on anyone yet my personality and mindset is so strong it tends to be hard on some people ive dated. Ive been told im selfish, i am too driven, too singleminded, i work too hard. Ive never thought working too hard and being committed to something was bad until recently.

Yet another thing to keep me humble are in fact those women. I have many women in my life who i would charactorize as inspirational. Others tend to attempt to play games, and others are more just not happy with themselves which leads to bad vibes. Currently i am in fact not "with" anyone. Yet there are humbling experiences that have led me to expel someone from my life, another that makes me constantly think about if I am good enough, and another who can evoke so much anger and so much happiness all at once. It is amazing to me.

Keeping my mind straight use to be an issue but one thing i have worked to focus on is the positive aspects of life. I love my job, I have a support system of people in place whom i love and care about, and recently have learned to just allow the things that matter affect me and nothing else. Its a matter of choice. I choose to smile and be happy. I choose to keep or remove people from my life. Life is way too short to waste on people who are jealous, who hate for no reason, who dont like how you look, act, etc. Use your positive influence to build your circle then you have all you need.

Life as I know it

When taking a look at life, most people feel that their life is harder, their life has more drama, their life has more walls to climb than others. Now, i dont think i go through anything different from anyone else but this has been an interesting week to say the least.

Monday - Someone close to me got mad at me over something online. It turned into a no talking contest for the remainder of the week. I felt I handled the situation as best as I could. Clearly the goal here was to learn a lesson about relationship and friendship management.

Tuesday - Did i mention facebook is the devil.

Wednesday - I had been going back and forth on travel arrangements for a trip i had been planning. Well, one backed out then another treated me fairly poorly so i had canceled my trip.

Thursday - Said f it, im going anyway and rented a car. My buddy got a room and we are heading out in a week. Push through!

Friday - Found out that i was played for a fool by someone in my life for 6 months. Devistating really. Went through the full range of emotions.....sick, then angry, then dejected, then....well who knows where i am at the moment.

All this and honestly and deeply know that there is meaning and positive thoughts to this week. Looking back it teaches me alot. The value of friendship. Honestly, morals, ethics, when to have witty banter and when not to. When to trust someone and when not to. The point being that despite the darkness that may pass over us the sun is out there all the time. The dark is just a small period that is asking us to give in to it but the positive will always triumph if you choose it to.

I was speaking to the perosn who :showed me the light" the other day and she said she could feel my dark.......i use to think, no way but i beleive her. She reached out to me and gave me some words that i always live by but need reminding sometimes. I called her my Yoda. Its rare to find people in this world that put themselves behind everyone else but she always has. The moral, the goal in life is to be that person, give unconditional hope and love to people and have them pass it on. She gave it and still gives it to me no matter how much crap we have been through and I hope to pass it to people in a manner that they can do the same for others. Think with the light in mind.